


The First Time

by Poisonedapples



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Genderfluid Roman, Have your Secret Santa gift in Ao3 form you Angst demon Elena, I apologize for nothing, M/M, Nonbinary Roman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 01:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poisonedapples/pseuds/Poisonedapples
Summary: Virgil hates Roman Prince more than any other person alive. But it’s hard to be annoyed by his existence when he shows up at Patton’s door beat up with tears in his eyes.





	The First Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [patentpending](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patentpending/gifts).



> Trigger Warnings: Slight mentions of sexism and emotional abuse/manipulation, physical abuse, Virgil swears a lot, implied transphobia/nbphobia, implied homophobia, and implied aphobia.
> 
> Note: This is a secret santa gift for my friend Elena being transferred onto my first Ao3 account. Love you Elena, enjoy your angst once more!
> 
> ____________________

 

Virgil _hated_ Roman Prince.

 He was obnoxious, loud, egotistical, self-centered, and an overall asshole. He made Virgil want to punch a wall and get expelled for smacking that _bastard_ right in the face like he deserved. Follow him to his house and lock him inside so he never talked to his friends ever again. Set his fucking bed on fire or something. He wanted to see the Prince Bitch _whine like a little baby_ because the big-bad Virgil Shea got sick of his bullshit, going past their normal screaming fests. There wasn’t anyone Virgil hated more than Roman Prince.

Which is why it was so _confusing_ that Virgil felt so _bad_ for the guy right now.

Granted, Virgil never expected anything like this. He was just hanging out at Patton’s house for the night since he could use the company (his mom _always_ seemed to be somewhere else. Where did she go where Pat had to be alone all the time?), watching some TV on the couch in the middle living room when Patton’s phone started to buzz. His subtle smile dropped completely when he read the messages, typing a response back so fast that Virgil couldn’t keep up with his fingers on the screen. A slight pause happened afterward, and the boy’s frown turned into something Virgil couldn’t place, sour and sad but also determined. He texted something back, a long pause once again while he stared at the screen, and only putting down his phone again when he received a response.

“Who was that?” Virgil asked, getting a little bit on edge with the sudden serious look on Patton’s face. His friend turned straight to Virgil with a gaze that reminded him of a dad ready to tell their kid off for being rude. _Did I do something?_

“Virgil, I need you to listen carefully. If you never take me seriously ever again, at least take me seriously now.” _Well, this is highly unsettling._ “I know that you know Roman, and you don’t get along with him well-”

“Understatement of the century.”

“Virgil, listen to me. I don’t appreciate being interrupted.” _Fuck, Patton’s mad. What did I do? Did Roman say something about me? I haven’t seen the Prince Bitch in days, what the hell could he be complaining about now!? Turning my own friend against me!? What the fuck is that dude’s problem!?_

“Hey, hey, no, don’t get all scared on me. It’s fine, but this is really serious and I need you to listen to me right now. I’m not mad at you, just...taking precautions.” That's what really confused Virgil. What could possibly be happening at 11 PM that would need Patton to take “precautions”?

“I know you don’t get along with Roman at all, but I just told him that he can come over for the night- No! Let me finish, don’t give me that look! He has a very good reason to come over, and he is whether you like it or not. So just this _once,_ just this one night is all I’m asking for you to be kind to Roman. Because if you’re not, I _will_ kick you out of my house. Don’t you _dare_ make fun of him, or pick _any_ sort of fight when he’s already down. Don’t you dare. I won’t hesitate to show you the door.”

Patton was...way too serious when he gave that warning to Virgil. It set off so many questions in his brain; what could possibly be happening that made Patton feel as if he had to be so strict right now. And why Roman of all people? Everyone with a pair of ears knew that the Prince Bitch and Virgil Shae went together like oil and water, so why would _Patton,_ who was always so concerned for others comfort, invite _Roman_ over? To interact with _him_ under the orders that Virgil’s not allowed to fight with him unless he wants to walk home in the snow near midnight? What, was this Roman’s chance to get back at him for something? Was he using Patton _again?_ Virgil swore to any possible deity out there, if the fucking _Prince Bitch_ used Patton to go along with his stupid fucking plans Virgil was gonna tie him outside to freeze to death-

At an undisclosed moment of silence when Virgil was left to his thoughts, an almost silent knock came to the door. Patton gave him another dad stare before getting up to open the door, Virgil slowly following suit. And with how much of a worrywart Virgil really was, he suspected a lot of things to be on the other end of that door. Most of them having to do with Roman attacking him when he was on edge, maybe shooting a load of paintballs at him or knocking him unconscious so he wakes up tied to a telephone pole the next morning. Virgil suspected a lot of things behind that door.

Roman Prince, shrunken into himself and trying to hide his face behind his short hair, shivering from being in 30 degree weather with nothing more than a long sleeve shirt and jeans, tears in his eyes and a large, almost black bruise on the right side of his face, a couple scratches surrounding it, was _not_ one of them.

“Ro, honey…” Virgil snapped out of his dazed shock at the sound of Patton’s soothing voice, “How about you come on inside, okay? Sweetheart, you’re freezing out there, where’s your coat?”

“Didn’t get it...it was downstairs so I couldn’t get it…”

“You went through the window again, didn’t you?” Roman did a slight nod and shivered. “Oh, Honey…come here, come on inside, I can patch you up and get you warm, it’s _way_ too cold for you to be walking around outside without even a coat. I could’ve picked you up if you told me!”

“I have legs Padre, I’m more than capable of walking myself!” ...Roman’s smile was _way_ too bright when he said that. An act so fragile, Virgil thought if he poked him, Roman might shatter right onto the carpet floor. His shivering could break him into a thousand pieces.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But you wouldn’t be bothering me if you asked, Kiddo. How about you let me take you upstairs, get you warm with clothes _not_ covered in snow, and I can help patch you up? Okay?”

It was _supposed_ to sound like a question, but both Roman and Virgil knew it wasn’t. Roman sighed in defeat, the slight twitch of a fragile smile on his face. “Yes, alright, okay.”

“Perfect! Virgil, could you do me a favor?” _Once again, not a question. Not when Patton had that look on his face, similar to his dad look but more...protective. A kind of protective needed in drastic measures. “..._ Sure?”

“Downstairs in the laundry room, you’ll see a first-aid kit on the shelf next to the dryer, could you get that for me and bring it up to the bathroom?”

“Yeah, uh...I can do that.” Patton smiled at him, but it wasn’t a sunshiney one like normal. It was soft, protective, and his eyes held a _fire_ behind them. A raging, unforgiving fire that swore vengeance as he slowly led Roman up to the bathroom, his arm draped over his shoulders. Virgil stood there stunned for a moment before he remembered his “request”, going downstairs to the laundry room to find the first-aid kit.

It wasn’t hard to find at all, but Virgil spent a lot more time in that laundry room thinking more than anything else. Because Patton had never... _been upset_ at him like that. His first instinct was to say that he yelled at Virgil, but it was much more gray than that. It wasn’t a yell, it was _stern_ and commanding, practically like a person ready to scream at someone for being an idiot. Which Patton was prepared to do. _“Don’t you dare make fun of him, or pick any sort of fight when he’s already down. Don’t you dare. I won’t hesitate to show you the door_.”

...He knew something. Patton was far from stupid, and he knew more than Virgil did right now. He probably even knows what happened.

_Who’s the idiot who thought it’d be a good idea to sock Roman Prince square in the jaw? That hard no less?_

 Virgil talked a lot of shit. He talked even _more_ shit to the Prince Bitch, but not even Mr. I-would-sell-Roman-Prince-to-Satan-free-of-charge-just-to-get-him-away-from-me-forever was stupid enough to get in a fist fight with the guy. That dude has muscles and half a foot over him. He was loud, well-loved, physically intimidating (as much as Virgil hated to admit), and while Virgil has pushed him and spat in his face before, he didn’t want a fucking _death wish._  Prince Bitch is a _bitch_ , and bitches hit _hard_. Especially when they have people on their side to help cover it up.

Yet...here Roman was. Completely helpless, walking around at 11 PM in 30 degree weather with tears in his eyes and a nasty bruise square in the middle of his “beautiful” face. Roman got punched. Hard. _And whoever did it, cowarded Roman into a corner._

...Holy shit. That was kinda terrifying.

 Virgil took the first aid kit and started slowly walking up the stairs, getting lost in his own whirling head. This time not with anxiety concerning himself, but about the unknown. About _who_ might have the guts to attack someone like _Roman_ , let alone have him take it so willingly. And Patton _knew._ He knew more than he was letting on. _“Don’t you dare.”_ He had suddenly turned so serious. They know something. But how on earth was he going to find out-

“-Teeth haven’t been knocked out, so that’s good.” Roman hummed in response, and Virgil froze in place on the stairs as he listened in. _Curiosity killed the cat._

“What happened, Ro? You don’t have to tell me, but...I’m just worried.”

“I know you are.” A long, dramatic sigh was let out. “This is precisely why I never want to bother you with these things! You always get so sad and I don’t want you sad!”

“I’d be even more sad knowing my friend is hurting without any help. Worry is nothing. But you trying to cover it all up on your own breaks my heart, and I wanna be there for you. Do you wanna say what happened?”

It seemed like the air thickened in the moment it took Roman to respond. “...Dad got mad.”

... _Oh._ The pieces started to fit together. _Oh, shit._

“He came home from work and told me to do the dishes, but I was doing homework when he asked me and I just...forgot. When I remembered it had been maybe forty five minutes? And I tried to run down to do them, but he caught me just coming down, and he was already really mad, I could tell, so he...yeah.” A nervous laugh. “He’s not exactly a man of words.”

_Shit._ Virgil felt _so fucking guilty_ now.

“I hate him.” Virgil could feel the _venom_ in Patton’s voice from a mile away.

“I know you do.”

“Because it’s true! What kind of dad hits their kid for not doing the dishes immediately!?”

“He had a bad day at work, he was just mad.” Even _Virgil’s_ heart broke at that. At how obvious Roman’s thought process was. _He was already mad. It’s my fault for making him more mad. It’s not his fault when I deserved it._ Bile rose in his throat.

“You know, Logan makes _me_ angry sometimes, but you don’t see me throwing him to the ground and stomping on his ribs!”

“You’re _still_ mad about that?”

“Yes!”

“It was just one time, Patton-“

“That’s one time too many.” A long pause of silence.

“...I’m sorry.” Roman’s voice was softer than usual.

“You shouldn’t be, it’s okay Ro. I’m just...worried for you.”

“I shouldn’t make you worry twice as much as I do.”

“I don’t mind. I love taking care of my kiddos, you’re included in that. I love my beautiful friends!” Roman let out a tiny huff of a laugh at that, and Virgil could _hear_ both the shine and the childish glee in Patton’s next sentence. “Oooh, someone _liked_ that today!”

Roman almost snorted. “Maybe.”

“Well, I mean it! You’re very beautiful!”

“ _Patton, why-_ ”

“Beautiful and gorgeous and perfect and lovely, and I’m running out of things to say-”

“ _Patton!”_

“Don’t get mad at me for saying the truth, Mad-“ A slight silence. “Mx!”

... _Mix_?

“...I want to say that it’s not the truth but I know for a fact that you will fuss at me.”

“You better believe I will. Say something good about yourself, come on.”

“ _Patton.”_ Roman whined.

“ _Rooooo!_ See, I can do that too. Now say something nice.”

Roman didn’t say anything for a while, Patton’s cheers of “Say something nice, say something nice,” only getting gradually louder. Roman let out a dramatic groan before mumbling “...I’m a beautiful nonbinary pal.”

... _Nonbinary? Oh._ That...made a hell of a lot more sense than Patton mixing something. It also did a pretty damn good job of making Virgil realize that he knew _jack shit_ about everyone’s favorite Prince Bitch.

“You are and you should say it!” Patton’s enthusiasm broke through Virgil’s thoughts. “And that reminds me, is it still just Roman? Or is there some ‘girl’ somewhere in there?”

“Nothing but a void today, Padre. So Roman is fine.”

“Got it! Just wanted to make quadruple-” Patton went quiet for a moment, and Virgil heard the floor creak when he shifted. Silence for a moment. “I can see you in the mirror, Virgil.”

_...Fuck._ Virgil’s heart raced while he awkwardly shuffled forward in front of the entrance to the bathroom. He couldn’t help but notice Roman’s eyes widen in fear, but Patton gave a small smile in Virgil’s direction. “I was wondering what was holding you up. How long have you been listening?”

“...Not, uh, not too long…” Now he _really_ felt like a kid in trouble. He felt like he got caught listening in on his parents talking about his Christmas presents or something.

“Mhm. Sure, whatever you say.” _Patton didn’t believe him at all_. Fuck. “Can you give me that first aid kit, though?”

“Oh, yeah, sure, sorry.” Virgil handed over the first aid and shuffled back to where the sink was, slowly sliding down the wall into he sat on the floor with his legs held up to his chest. Patton opened up the kit and pulled out a box of antiseptic wipes, aloe vera and a heating pad at the bottom. He took out the antiseptic wipes and cleaned off the small cuts near the bruise on Roman’s face, taking _their_ hand into his own while he did. It was almost completely quiet despite for the slight hiss Roman let out when the wipe touched their face. And Virgil _hated_ this kind of tense silence.

“So…” He didn’t honestly know what to say, but it was better than sitting in the corner of the bathroom without doing anything. “How are you doing, uh…” _don’t say dude,_ “Fucker?”

“Virgil! What did I tell you _right before_ Roman came here!?”

“I’m sorry, I swear I’m trying!”

“You better be…” _Shit. Patton was mad at him. Damnit Virgil, fix it!_

“Seriously! I just...don’t know what to say. And it’s getting awkward.” Patton sighed while he took some of the aloe vera and put it on Roman’s bruise. They pulled the blanket around their shoulders closer to them, whether looking for warmth or a place to hide, Virgil couldn’t tell. But it was _Roman_ who actually spoke up.

“I know that you have questions, considering the state that I showed up at Patton’s door in. But considering the fact that we’re honestly far from close, and the situation in general, I’d really rather not say anything. So, if we could just forget about all this I’d appreciate it. I’m not up for the sudden bombard of questions I know you’ll want to ask-”

“Nah, you’re fine. If I’m gonna be honest though, I kinda…” Roman gave Virgil a look. He couldn’t exactly describe what _look_ it really was, but a part of it was vulnerable. “...Already heard what happened.”

“So you _were_ listening in for a while?” And there is was. Virgil messed with his hoodie sleeve and looked down at the bathroom floor. “...Yeah.”

“Well, thank you for telling me the truth.” Patton stood up and plugged the heating pad into the wall near Virgil, bringing it back over and putting it on a medium setting. He placed the pad on Roman’s bruise. “Hold that there for me? Thank you, usually I’d use the ice pack but I can tell you’re still freezing, so this’ll help warm you up some, too. Feel a little better?”

“Yes, but…” Roman looked at Virgil for the first time that night. “You know now?”

Virgil didn’t really know what to say. “I kinda do, yeah. Sorry about your dad.”

_Did Roman flinch at that?_ “Don’t be, it’s fine. Once Patton is done fussing over me, I can cover _this_ thing up with makeup take a ride back home. I’ll be out of your hair before midnight strikes, I promise-”

“No.” _And the Dad Voice has returned._ “You’re staying _right_ here until the sun starts rising. That’s not up for debate.”

“All I need is some makeup and a ride home, I’ll be just fine.”

“I told Virgil that you were staying the night. Whether you like it or not, you’re staying the night. And don’t you even _think_ of going out the window like you did last month. I’ll glue all the exits shut if I have to.”

“I’m being held captive!? By my _own friend!?”_ Roman feigned offense, putting the hand that wasn’t holding the heating pad up to their chest and gasping. Patton just ruffled their hair, making them let out another offended noise. “Until morning, yes you are.”

“You’re cruel to me.”

“I’m cruel because I care.”

Roman slouched more on the toilet and pouted, but Virgil decided to butt into the conversation. _Stop sitting there awkwardly._ “We could all just chill in Pat’s room for the night. Make a nest of blankets on the floor big enough for the both of us.” _A_   _small truce was offered._

“Or a fort! We could make a fort for you two!” Patton was bouncing on the balls of his feet from the idea, and Roman gave a shy smile. “Sounds like fun.” _Truce taken._

Once Roman had sat with the heating pad on his face long enough for the swelling to go down some, the three had all gotten a pile of blankets and pillows from Patton’s closet to build a fort. Roman had _demanded_ for all of them to get some chairs from the kitchen downstairs in order to make a roof “fit for the gods”. Patton had laughed and taken Virgil’s hand, suggesting that they both grab some chairs for Roman to use. Roman had agreed, and just like that, Patton had Virgil exactly where he wanted him.

“I’ll put the first aid kit away, too. It’ll buy us some time.” Patton gathered up the scattered supplies of the kit and locked them back in their box, putting it under his arm. “Buy us time for what?” Virgil asked.

“I want to talk to you. Nothing bad, but I don’t want Roman to overhear. Not when he’s acting more like himself.” Virgil’s heart still raced a little bit, but he understood. The two had gone down the first flight of stairs and gone to the entrance of the basement. Once Patton had closed the door behind them, he started to speak. “What do you think Roman’s dad is like?”

_Ah. So it’s this conversation._ “If he punched them straight in the face, probably a giant, abusive dick.”

Patton let out an unamused laugh. “You wouldn’t be wrong. I’m not someone to hate people, but...Roman’s parents have to be somewhere high on that list. I’d have him live here with me if I could, but that won’t happen, sadly.”

“You don’t gotta tell me or anything, I know it’s none of my business, but just...what’s the deal with Roman’s parents? I’ve never heard of them before now, and this is a shit first impression.” Patton placed the first aid kit on the shelf next to the dryer. He leaned against it and sighed. “There’s not many, if any, nice things to say about them, kiddo.”

“Still. What’s their deal?”

“You really wanna know?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t. Stop scaring me.”

“Alright, alright.” Patton’s entire happy attitude seemed to disappear. Nothing but a sad look and fatherly protection. “Roman’s parents are divorced, have been since he was...I think he was seven? Maybe six? Probably six, but anyway, they got divorced when he was young. His mom got most of the custody since his dad didn’t really fight for it, so she has him every day except for every other weekend, where he goes to his dads for two days. He only sees his dad four days a month.”

“So, for the most part, he’s safe?” Patton’s heart warmed up at that. _Even Virgil, who is always complaining about Roman, is worried for them._ “From being hit, yeah. Roman’s dad has...a temper, and a bad one at that. He also cares more about a toothpick than his own child, so if Roman uses his chances to avoid him easily, he mostly comes out just fine. But, there are still nights like these. More often than anyone could ever want.”

“And their mom?”

“She’s her own kind of demon.” Patton said. “She has other ways to hurt him instead of being loud and throwing hits.”

“What’s she like?” Virgil saw Patton’s eyes go dark.

“Sexist. Manipulative. She changes so fast from being awful to being perfect just to make his head spin, and it works. She wants her child to be this...perfect idea of a man. She wants him to sleep with any girl willing, to be perfect at sports and not have a single feminine thing about him. That’s not him at all, kiddo. He’s never allowed to be himself, and it hurts.”

“...Damn.” Virgil followed behind Patton while they both left the basement, going back to the kitchen to grab a thing of chairs. “Virgil?” Patton asked, “Can I be serious with you for a minute?”

“You’ve been serious with me all night, but go off I guess.” Virgil grabbed a hold of a chair.

“This? What I just told you? Is exactly why I hate it when you say so many bad things about him. Roman is honestly wonderful, but the things that happen at home changes how he reacts to things. Each time you insult him, his already low self-esteem just gets worse. I hate it when Roman talks bad about himself, which is why me and Logan started that whole turn-every-bad-thing-about-yourself-you-think-into-something-good thing. We know it’s not a miracle fix, but it’s better than Roman hating himself every five seconds.”

“...Prince Bitch hates themself?”

“ _Virgil, now is not the time._ ” Shit.

“Sorry, sorry, but they do?”

Patton seemed to have a realization for a second, but the expression was quickly shaken off. “Yes, they do. Their mom says a lot of mean things, and it shows in how they think about themself. Me and Logan told them a couple years ago that every time they have a bad thought about themself, to say the exact opposite out loud. If you think you’re dumb, say you’re smart, stuff like that! And they’ve been doing it ever since.” Patton grabbed a chair from the table and lifted it up off of the floor to bring up the stairs, Virgil carrying his own not so far behind. Those words...made him realize something.

_“I’m an absolute creative genius, obviously!”_

“ _And I’m a handsome young man, don’t you agree Virgil?”_

“ _Apparently I’m too smart for tests to comprehend!”_

_“I’m an absolute delight to be around!”_

_“I’m perfect! Obviously!”_

...And it broke his heart. Which is why he had to ask.

“Pat?” Patton turned around to face Virgil, and he hesitated. “How much of the nice things Roman says about themself are things they don’t believe?”  
  
“Honestly, kiddo?” A broken smile. “All of them.”

Patton turned around and continued carrying the chair up the stairs, but Virgil couldn’t seem to let that go. It boggled his mind from what he used to think. _Prince Bitch thought too highly of himself, that’s why I hate him._  It was all a lie. Because of course it was.

But it all seemed to implant itself in the back of Virgil’s mind when the two walked back into Patton’s room. Roman had already planted out most of the pillow fort, the pile of blankets making a giant nest in the middle of the floor, complete with a mountain of pillows and half of the stuffed animals in Patton’s room. All that was missing was a roof. “You…” Virgil didn’t know what to say. “You already finished?”

“Mostly, yes! I needed those chairs for the roof though, and _finally_ you show up! Don’t you know that I’ve been waiting for _eons_!? I was beginning to think you left me here to wither away into _nothingness!”_

Patton giggled. “We’d never do that to you, Roman! But we got the chairs!”

“Splendid! Now, put one on the right of the little nest we’ve got going on here, and another on the left so I can use the starry blanket to give us a roof of stars. What’s the point of making a blanket fort if you don’t put your all into it!?”

“We’re putting our all, don’t worry, uh…” _don’t say dude don’t say dude,_ “Captain.”

“...Captain?”  _Fuck. Virgil. What the fuck. Why the fuck is that your first thought, get the fuck off of Tumblr. Virgil what the fuck, fix it, Virgil fix it!_ “...I panicked.”

Genius.

“Panicked about what? Nothing is happening?” Not genius.

_Think of something, Virgil!_

“...Why are you doing finger guns at me?” Fuck. Sudden choice of nonverbal communication is not socially acceptable. New plan.

“It’s, just, uh...tryin’ to be supportive here, and it’s not exactly working _but how’s that fort looking are we really done?_ Pat, what do you think?” Roman had never looked more confused.

“I think it looks great, Kiddo! How about I make us three some hot chocolate, and we can all relax until we call it a night? It’s getting late, anyway.”

_Fuck Patton don’t leave me here I’m not ready-_ “Sure, sounds cool.” _Damn you, brain._

Patton left the other two in his room, closing the door behind him while he went downstairs to get some hot chocolate. Roman shifted awkwardly on their feet, fiddling with the green ribbon on their right wrist, looking at the fort in front of them. “I believe it is done! I made a nest of blankets in the middle with lots of pillows, which, in my humble opinion, is how royalty should sleep. Who can pass up a blanket fort?”

“No idea. But it does look cool, you did a good job.” Roman’s face turned red at the compliment, looking as far away from Virgil as physically possible. They kept messing with the green ribbon on their wrist, and before Virgil could comprehend what he was asking, he asked it. “What’s the ribbon for?”

Roman’s face turned white. “Nothing! It’s, uh...it’s nothing! Just a little silly thing, don’t worry about it.”

“Alright?” Virgil decided to drop it for now, crawling into the pillow fort with Roman not too far behind them. They dramatically fell face-first into the nest of pillows they made in the middle, looking completely content with melting into them.

“This is my home now. I accept my calling into the pillow dimension.” Roman merged more with the pillows, and Virgil almost snorted.

“And that was the story of Roman Prince. They fell into a pit of pillows and accepted their death. We never heard or saw from them again.” Despite Virgil’s attempt at joking, Roman’s face went a little paler, their eyes growing wider. Virgil lied down onto the two pillows Roman _wasn’t_ hogging, getting himself comfortable while they looked ready to have a heart attack. But if they wanted to say anything, it was up to them. There wasn’t much Virgil could do.

It was a solid three minutes in the time Roman finally said something, curling in on themself a little. “They?”

“Uh, yeah…yeah, they.” Virgil lied back on the pile of pillows and looked up at the blanket roof. Roman groaned dramatically, flopping onto their own pillows on shoving their face in as far as as possible. “You okay?”

“Give me a second.” They muffled, which only confused Virgil more. What got into them? Why were the pronouns such a big deal? It was common human decency, but Roman was complaining. And Virgil couldn’t see why they should.

At least, until Roman spoke up after long pause. “...I know you were listening in to me and Pat, but I was hoping you didn’t hear that part.”

_Oh._ “Yeah, I heard it. Sorry.”

Roman tried to merge themself with the pillows they were laying on, hoping that if they suffocated themself enough, they’d travel to another dimension instead. “It’s _fine,_ it can’t be fixed now. Just _please,_ with any possible good nature in that dead heart of yours, _please_ don’t tell anyone else?”

“Why would I do that?” Roman seemed taken aback by that response. “I just...do not trust it. I don’t want _that_ getting out. Or any of it, honestly.”

_Any of it?_ “Do you want me to just like, forget about it? Act like I never found out?”

Roman seemed to ponder on that for a second. “As in you’d ignore the nonbinary part and start acting as if I’m male again?”

“Sure? If it bothers you that much.”

“...Then, no. Every time someone calls me male when I’m not, I wither away a little more inside.”

“Hey, I’m supposed to be the dead inside one here, so watch it.” Roman actually _laughed_ at that. “But seriously, unless I’m in public or something, I’ll use ‘they’ from now on. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

Why did Roman look a little disappointed at that? They seemed to be thinking again, and in a moment of determination, they blurted out a “ _What if sometimes I like being something else more?_ ” At the speed of light.

“Something else?” Roman paused for a really long time.

“Yes, like...sometimes it’s more pretty dresses and flowers, other times it’s back to normal without _any_ dysphoria, which, admittedly, is my favorite stage to be in- Not that I’m not proud! It’s not that, it’s just a lot less hassle when I don’t feel worse about myself or try to subtly hide from everyone else and-”

“Hey, gender-neutral dude, calm down for a second there. Don’t hyperventilate, that’s my job.” Roman made a sound that usually only came from kicked puppies, grabbing one of their pillow and putting it over their head.

“In conclusion,” their voice muffled from the pillows, “sometimes it’s not as simple as _they._ That’s what the ribbons on my wrist mean. They’re pronouns _._ ”

“So you’re genderfluid, and your pronouns change?” Roman _squeaked._ “Yes, that!”

“Alright, cool. That didn’t have to be half of the big deal that it was.”

“Don’t make _fun_ of me, coming out is scary!”

“Tell me about it. When I told my dad I was pan I’m pretty sure I had seven heart attacks.”

Roman shot up from their place hidden in the pillows. “You’re pan?”

“The Hot Topic aesthetic didn’t already tell you I’m as straight as a curly fry?” Virgil wanted to call them oblivious, but he figured that now was far from the time.

“I’m far too genius to pick up on those stereotypical signs!” _Ow._ When Virgil knew the meaning of that now, hearing them say that _hurt._

“Yeah, you are a genius. No debate on that.” Roman didn’t seem to know if that was sarcasm or a genuine compliment, but they took it nonetheless. “Well, thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing. Now scoot over, stop taking all the pillows.” Virgil nudged them lightly, Roman rolling over more to the other side and letting Virgil take some of their blankets and pillows for himself to make it more even. The two just lied down there, waiting for Patton to come back with hot chocolate and staring at the starry blanket above them both. But while Virgil was relaxing a little, still thinking of how weird it was that he was _actually_ getting along with the (previously-known) Prince Bitch, Roman was thinking about something again. Thinking about having another fit of bravery.

A fit of bravery they decided to take.

“I’m also _very_ ace and _very_ into cute boys, if you must know.” That time, it came out a lot less rushed, but Roman could feel their heartbeat quickening.

“Cool. Good to know that this entire house is gay. Or, at least gay sometimes in your case.” Roman laughed and their heart decided to calm down after the nonchalant response, but other than that, it grew quiet between the two. It wasn’t tense, or even really awkward, which both of them appreciated. But unbeknownst to Roman, Virgil had connected the dots together from their coming out.

“ _She wants her child to be this...perfect idea of a man. She wants him to sleep with any girl willing, to be perfect at sports and not have a single feminine thing about him. That’s not him at all, kiddo_.”

...Yeah. It really wasn’t.

“You two!” The door to the bedroom finally opened again, Patton holding three lidded cups. “I got the hot chocolate!”

“Excellent! Fort-building is hard work, so _clearly_ I deserve it!” Virgil wondered if hearing Roman say stuff like that broke his heart, too.

But if it did, Patton didn’t show it. He simply smiled his signature sunshine smile and handed them both their own cups, but Virgil couldn’t help but notice that Patton was...weirdly gone for a really long time. It shouldn’t take twenty minutes just to mix in cocoa powder into a warm milk and stir. He also couldn’t help but notice Patton’s...impeccable timing. Once their conversation was over, peace in the air, Patton came just in time to make this night a little bit better. To hand them both the hot chocolate when things were fallen more into place. And Virgil also couldn’t help but notice that the cup was a lot cooler than it should be if Patton had just finished a couple seconds ago.

...So Virgil wasn’t the _only_ one tonight that eavesdropped.

He didn’t say anything about it though, just slowly sipping away at his hot chocolate while Roman had almost swallowed it all in one gulp, the impatient ass. Once all three of them had empty cups, Patton took them back downstairs and placed them in the dishwasher, Roman going into the bathroom to change into a pair of Patton’s pajama pants for the night, Virgil changing into his own pajamas in Patton’s room. Roman was _clearly_ exhausted, flopping down on their pillows and hoarding all the blankets after they got into pajamas, completely clocked out before Virgil had time to lie down. Patton had wished them both a goodnight, giving Virgil a hug and brushing the asleep Roman’s hair out of their face, falling asleep not long after in their own bed. But Virgil stayed up just a little while longer, watching the rise and fall of Roman’s chest, observing the little cuts and large bruise on their face. They looked completely at peace for the first time that night, which was strange considering the tate they showed up at Patton’s door in.

They looked at peace. And now knowing that his fa- _friends_ were safe, Virgil fell asleep too.

——

When Virgil woke up, the body warmth next to him was gone, only leaving a pile of blankets previously wrapped around a person behind. A large part of Virgil was both disappointed, confused, and, weirdly...lonely.

It was quiet without them here.

Virgil shifted around in the fort and grabbed at all the blankets Roman was hoarding in the night, pulling them close to his chest and hoping it’d turn into a person again. He’d never thought that he’s miss someone snoring, but…here he was. Roman was honestly a cool person when you got to know them, and now the house seemed too big. Too quiet to be normal. Like a giant piece of it walked away into the winter snow, which is exactly what actually happened. Virgil wanted Roman _here,_  where it was _warm_ and _safe_ and...he’d never thought he’d be saying this, but Virgil wanted them to be safe. To be happy.

Here was happy. And Roman wasn’t here.

It was almost ten thirty in the morning when Virgil heard Patton’s bed creak from above him, gentle movements getting off the bed and crawling into the entrance of the fort on the floor. Patton saw Virgil clinging onto the blankets, and immediately understood. “Ro already left?”

Virgil nodded, shoving his face further into the pile of pillows. “Where’d they go so early, anyway?”

Patton sighed. “Probably back to their dad’s house, kiddo. They usually disappear before I wake up. It’s Sunday though, so their mom will pick them up at around noon and take them back home, and I know for a fact they took some of the concealer I have to hide the bruise from their mom. They’ll be just fine.”

“...Yeah...yeah, they will…” Both Patton and Virgil knew he didn’t believe that.

“What’s wrong, Virge? You’ve never cared about them this much before.”

“I never really _knew_ them in general, honestly. I thought they were just some stuck-up asshole, not...not this. This isn’t what I expected.”

“I know, I don’t think anyone expects something like this. Especially from someone you’re supposed to hate.”

“Yeah...will they, uh…” Virgil curled around the blankets further. “...Will they be okay?”

“They will. They have us, no matter what those houses might look like on the inside. They have us forever and always.”

“Yeah...they do.” Patton crawled over to where Virgil was still lying down, pulling Virgil into a hug and refusing to let go. “They’ll be okay, Virge.” They whispered, “You’ll see them at school tomorrow, okay? Could you wait until then?”

“Yeah, I can do that. No big deal.” Patton held Virgil closer until he was smothered in Pat’s pajama shirt, a completely different smell than the one Roman has. But it was calming, familiar and nice. Virgil accepted it.

“I’ll talk to them at school tomorrow.”

And Virgil did, but at a much earlier time than he was expecting. Virgil _planned_ on meeting up with Roman during their science class at the very end of the day, maybe at lunch if Virgil could manage to find them amongst all the chaos. But as he walked down to the next wing for his English class, Virgil saw Roman, concealer perfectly hiding the bruise on his face (as if he was skilled with it), walking in the middle of the crowds of people rushing to their classes.

So, in a feat of quick-thinking and good decision-making, Virgil yanked Roman by the arm into the family bathroom and locked the door behind them.

“Virgil, _why!?”_

“Don’t ask questions, just...let me say something here. Something I _never_ thought I’d actually say.” Roman rose an eyebrow while Virgil took a deep breath in before he spoke. “I’m sorry. Never thought I’d actually say that to you, but I’m sorry. I always thought that you had this...perfect life where everything came to you so easy, and it _pissed me off_ because you always acted better than everyone else. So I attacked you when I saw you, and talk shit about you when you weren’t around...and that was shit of me. I just...made life worse for you when you actually didn’t deserve it, and you’re honestly a pretty chill dude. Loud as fuck with way too many hand gestures, but you’re harder to hate than I thought. You’re like...a solid seven out of ten now.”

“Thank...you?” Roman had to laugh, “I hope that’s significant progress. What did I use to be at?”

“Maybe a two if I was feeling generous.”

“Wow, thanks. Truly, I appreciate it.”

“I try my best to be peak asshole. But really, I’m sorry for being a dick to you.”

Roman looked down at the bathroom floor, shuffling on their feet a little and playing with their sleeve. “I wasn’t exactly a saint either. I’ve said...some rather harsh things I’m beginning to regret, and it was just good for me to fight fire with fire. Could we possibly...end this at a truce?”

“A truce? Yeah, I think...a truce sounds chill.” There was a slight awkward silence, but it wasn’t tense. It was only a silence made of two people who didn’t know how else to continue, not a silence made by unresolved conflict. They both fidgeted in their place while trying to think of the next step, and in that fidgeting, Virgil found the pathway to the second part of the conversation. The thing tied around Roman’s wrist that they were fiddling with.

“...Is that a pink ribbon?”

“Hm?” Roman (was it Roman?) looked confused for a slight second before their gaze suddenly went to the ribbon on their right wrist, covered up by their long sleeves. They suddenly turned a little sheepish, rubbing the back of their neck awkwardly. “Yes, it’s...a kind of day that feels more like dresses and pretty flowers, if you know what I mean.” Their laugh was a little nervous.

“Yeah, I got you. So do you have like...something you go by on these days? Or is it just always Roman?”

“No, no, though I do love that name, it doesn’t fit these kinds of days. And I do have a name to go by, actually.” Another nervous smile.

“Oh...what is it?” Roman (who actually _wasn’t Roman)_ almost looked taken aback at that. As if (they? She?) _she_ didn’t expect Virgil to actually put in _effort._

“...Please don’t actually call me this today, as I am _very_ deep in the closet and don’t want people asking questions, but...” Roman smiled, leaning in a little closer to the shorter boy and whispering, “Estelle. I think it fits a glittery personality, don’t you agree?”

“You would choose something that sounds straight out of the royal family, princess.” Virgil didn’t miss how her eyes had lit up at the nickname, quickly being hidden with her talent of acting.

“Well aren’t you snarky today, emo nightmare?”

“Always, haven’t you been paying attention?”

“Not enough, I do believe. But if you do happen to find yourself needing to call me something in front of others, Ro always works. It’s a nice little neutral that doesn’t peak the interest of prying eyes.”

“Got it Ro, I gotta run to class, but hey, maybe I’ll see you around _without_ smacking you in the face.”

“Estelle smiled. “I look forward to it. Can we leave this bathroom though? I need to get to class, and it does _not_ smell good in here.”

Virgil snorted. “Fair. I’ll let you go, now. Just let me leave after you when no one’s looking so that no one asks why we’re in the bathroom together.”

“Ah, didn’t think of that. Consider this as my farewell then, Virgil. I’ll see you around _without_ violence.” Estelle did a dramatic bow before leaving the bathroom, Virgil waiting a couple of seconds before he walked out himself. The hallways were beginning to get empty, so thankfully no one noticed.

But as Virgil and Estelle walked away from the bathroom in two separate directions, there wasn’t tension about them mutually existing for the first time. They weren’t best friends for life, but they weren’t sworn enemies either for the first time. They could exist. Maybe even hang out. Virgil was actually considering inviting Estelle over as a plus-one the next time he went to Logan’s. First time for everything.

He felt calm, happy even. For the first time, he felt happy after talking to Estelle Prince.

He hoped it stayed that way.


End file.
